SO UMM. I just got tumblr and I’ve never blogged or kept a journal or anything of the sort before. But I just saw something like this on a friends’ tumblr and having had a lot on my mind lately, I thought it looked like a good stress-reliever. This is not meant to be a good read, just a release of steam. Sorry if anyone is magically offended.
-Best friend. Always have been, it’ll never change. We don’t even have to talk for months on end, but I know you’ll always have my back and I, yours. I’m sorry that living together didn’t work quite as well as we hoped, but I assume you and her are quite content to have a house to yourselves! If you ever need anything. ANYTHING. I’m here for you, bud. And though I’ll never say it to your face, I love you.
-You have huge potential and I wish you weren’t so down on yourself, all of the time. You’re a great friend, but it bothers me that you’re always so needy for attention. I understand it’s hard to be you, considering where you grew up and still live, but you’ve got to learn that the opinions of others aren’t everything. Those who matter care and those don’t care don’t matter. You’ve always got someone here for you.
-You need to get out. Not because I hate you, though I should, but because we need to put each other in the past. You know I’m far too nice to ever shove you out, or anyone out, but after what we’ve been through and what we’re trying to move on to? Get out. I’ll always love you, but it’s gone from romantic to Platonic. I learned my lesson when you tried to show me that I still had an effect on you. You’re with someone, be with him. You can’t play the fence anymore, that’s why we’re not together. I’m not going to be at your beck and call. You ruined that.
-I didn’t know you for long, but I came very close to loving you and you came very close to making me believe that you loved me. You were a cruel lesson in my uneventful time that told me that I can’t trust everyone who enters my life. One I still struggle with, but it comes back to me, now and again. You are sick, twisted, and a complete pathological liar. You remind me of a less maniacal, female version of the next person.
-You are the antithesis of my being. You haven’t a single caring bone in your body for anyone other than yourself. You’re a terrible person to your friends, family and lovers. You treat your single mother like shit, your little brother who has great aspirations like a moron, you treated your lover like a whore and you told your ‘mistress’ that she was a whore. I don’t understand the effect you have on people. Why they keep coming back for more abuse when you’re nothing short of insane. I was your friend before I knew you, and have since then avoided all contact with you, and yet you weave in and out of my life. I know it’s on purpose, your ex-lover told me so. Do you not understand that your ways will lose out? In older times, you could have been a tyrant of some nation, I’m sure, but now you’re just some sociopathic asshole who can never amount to anything solely because people soon realize that they can’t stand you. You’re never satisfied with what you have, in money, women or friends, and you end up driving it all away then wondering what happened. I’m not violent, but I’d punch you.
-The little sister that I never had. I’m sorry for the time when you thought there might be something between us, but the age difference is too much. You’re a lot smarter than I was at your age, though, and a lot smarter than I’ll ever be, most likely. Educated in politics, history, lore, pop-culture… You’re amazing. I’ll look out for you for as long as I can, and you’ll always be my friend.
-I like you. A lot. I can feel that you don’t trust me, and it hurts. A lot. Is it really that big of a difference? It doesn’t feel like it, you’re so similar to me in a so many ways. I’d like to know more about you, but you don’t seem too liberal with who you are, and I don’t want to force that. It puts me off that you can’t open up to me, I’m a really nice guy who, for lack of a less clichéd cliché, wouldn’t hurt a fly. But if you’re not interested then I’ll understand. I’m in no rush to find my life parter, it’s just that someone as great as you are is a rare find. One I haven’t come across in years. You’re amazing.
-I think you just hit on me. And you sent the text with a timestamp of 1:23:45, which if I were superstitious, might mean something. Does it? Problem is, I don’t flirt around and I don’t know you very well. This probably sounds really dumb, typing my thoughts out, but it helps. You put me in an awkward situation and I don’t know what to say. Even now, 37 minutes later, I’m still stumped as to how to react. Ugh. I’m not going to flirt with two people at once, that’s just not me.
-So far each paragraph has been about someone whom I met, each in a chronological order of when they were met in my life. So, seeing as how I still have yet to meet you, I suppose you go last. You’re confused, you’re completely unable to speak your mind 95% of the time for fear of upsetting anyone and you’re also the sweetest person I’ll ever have the pleasure of knowing, I’m quite sure. I look forward to knowing you.